This is one of my all time favorite gallery piece entitled "Resurrection"

This is one of my all time favorite gallery piece entitled "Resurrection"

Friday, November 6, 2015

The Burden of Loving a Creative Person

The other day I had a revelation. To me it was groundbreaking. To those around me, not so much. Really it was just old news for them. And what was this "ah-ha!" moment for me, you ask? Well, ready for it?

I am possibly not an easy person to live with.

Yes, it's true. But in my defense, I'm really not trying to be difficult. As a creative person, I am literally overflowing with ideas. I get excited and want to make things happen. I see so much potential and have a hard time walking away from opportunity. And I tend to just jump in, and give 100%. There is a zone, or a groove that I get in where I am performing optimally and it is one of the best feelings in the world. Adreneline is pumping, my heart beating fast and I posess the ability to organize, plan and pull things together in a near perfect way. It is euphoric to skip from project to project, with ideas flowing, connecting people and places. What I tend to not recognize is how this fast pace of wild creative abandon feels like to those around me. While internally I am feeling blissful, the external me reads quite differently. 

Truth is, these times are a roller coaster of emotions and moods. I work to near exhaustion, push myself past my breaking point, have little patience, and can easily burst into tears. Having a conversation is very difficult because I can't just focus on one idea and everything comes out in an intense burst. There are waves of despair; when I think it all won't work out and that I've just made a series of mistakes. An hour later I am positive again - all of my previous worries forgotten. My loved ones scramble, trying to offer support, or even just figure out what the hell I'm talking about. I don't mean to make them crazy, it's just hard to remember that I'm experiencing a very different reality than them.

I wish that during these times I could see how my intensity affects my loved ones. My focus on the events and projects I am co-ordinating eclipses everything else around me and I push all other concerns aside; things like meals and kids' schedules are secondary. I know how selfish it all sounds (and is). And when it's all accomplished and I have a chance to catch my breath, I only see the sweet wonderful people around me, forgetting what I've just put them all through. Hopefully I let them know all of the ways I love them. And hopefully I remember to tell them how they inspire me. Because it is my life with them that encourages me to move mountains.

People say,"I wish I had your energy!" or "How do you do it all?" and I just shrug. It's no big deal I say. But for those special people around me, they know differently. They know the blood, sweat and tears that goes into everything that I do. And they know that each piece is me laying my heart on the line. And that is their burden to carry. The burden of loving a creative person.